Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Meet El Jefe


Not everyone is lucky enough to work at home and therefore gets to (or is crazy enough to) watch big chunks of C-SPAN live, as I am. I and millions of retirees and shut-ins around the country are privy to the open mic, the stationary camera, all the video verite which doesn't make the newscasts, but which gives us - as Paul Harvey used to say - the rest of the story. You people who have to go to an office see the 'highlights' after work or on the web, but us home-bounders are the first to notice things like Sen. Coburn (R-Precious Moments) passing his dreary time as acting president of the Senate during the Roberts confirmation hearings by doing a crossword puzzle, giving rise to the question: what was the Senator's reverie then? Perhaps spooning Miracle Whip right out of the jar? Mmmm....Miracle Whip.

See? Unedited is the much richer experience.

President Bush's immigration speech yesterday got lots of coverage of course, but those of us who watched the the whole thing got ALL the flava, every bit of the tangy zip. The event began with an introduction from AG Alberto 'Abu' Gonzales. As you may know, the setting was the swearing-in of a room full of new US citizens. Here's how our AG set the tone:

Gonzales: Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise and join me in reciting our pledge of allegiance [hand on heart] " I pledge allegiance, to the..." Please be seated.

America's promise lives in the words of our Constitution, in the mind [sic] of our children who believe that anything is possible. And within the hearts of our Leaders. I entered public service in part because I believed in George W. Bush. I believed he would work to create a society where everyone, including my sons, would have a chance, an opportunity, to succeed in our beautiful country. And I believe in that still today. We are of course responsible for ourselves, and for our families, for our children. But in truth, our future, and our hopes, also lie [significant pause] in the President's Hands. And so in a world of increasing complexity, unknown dangers, and growing challenges, I wake up each morning secure in the knowledge that America is led by a good man, a courageous man, a compassionate man. Hope is what America stands for; hope is what all immigrants live by; and it's what this president has given to many people here and around the world. Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States...

Ladies and Gentlemen, would you please rise and join me in the singing of an old Negro spiritual: "He's got the little bitty babies - in His Hands! He's got the little bitty babies - in His Hands! He's got the little bitty babies.." Is this a pledge of allegiance to a new country, or a cult initiation? Is there a more shameless ass-licker in the White House? None so visible as Abu.

Andy Card may be gone, but the vulcanized, prophylactic ring of 'support' (in the therapeutic sense of the word) for El Jefe is instantly self-sealing - any puncture, any purchace, is there for only nanoseconds. There was a lot of talk in the 90s about Bill Clinton's character problems. Fine. What does it say about the character of a man that he requires such constant, fulsome, private and public fellatiating?

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